feelings

i just want to yakyak a bit about the way i feel about my situation. sometimes i just can't get into things that used to interest me just awhile ago. i think it must be a backlash from the horrible things i've gone thru since i was inured in 03. it feels like i'm not exactly in my body. the shock of being crushed between my car and the one that pinned me surely put me in some crazy place i've never been in before. it just seems like i never came back from it. i got some respite from the money thing when i refied my house, but as a friend said to me, so how long have you been robbing peter to pay paul. somehow i ust never thought of it that way, but he was right. to me i was trying to get back what i lost-and the truth is i never did-i just got deeper in debt. there should be an automatic grant to people in my situation with the physical and financial recovery from such a tramatic inury. if i had lost my legs because of that accident i would have come out much better with the money side of it but at what cost. a few times that i had to be in a wheel chair, that was hard enough i sure am glad i don't have to be in one forever. anyway my point is that i just am not the same person. my security was and is threatened, i seem to be loosing my home because i have the payment up to where i just can't afford it and this month will be the second missed mortgage payment. its like i feel i don't have a future and thats pretty scarry. as a matter of fact my stomach in tied in knots most of time. well i'm falling asleep and i'm going to sign off now and go to bed--see ya!