What is going on?

Had a very bad conversation with my younger son on Tuesday. It ended badly and I was sad about it but oh well. Then after I made some crocheted hats I went on line and there was an e mail from him. Wow it was cutting to the max, and it made me realize that he really doesn't know me at all. He has some pretty bad and insulting ideas about who I am and how I feel. My state of mind isn't all that good since I'm about to loose my home and I have quite a few cats and two dogs one of which is truly in her last days. We never have been able to really get along and I always held out hope that some day we would put the past where it belongs and get on with being friends. I can say now that I'm not so sure that is possible. Or maybe I'm over reacting but I don't think so, it was bad. So after hashing it over for a day I re-read his e mail and responded. Not that it was a defence, I just wanted him to know just how off he was. I'm sure he will just pass it off as me being in denial. Oh well what is a Mom to do? I'm not good when someone backs me into a corner and tries to tell me how I feel. It's always been a sore spot and usually puts me in a space to just unload on them. As I said I'm not good with this type of treatment. He may or may not read the email sine he is leaving for San Diego tomorrow to help a friend with the Del Mar Fair or as it now known The San Diego County Fair. We are supposed to get together sometime while he is here but I'm not so sure that is a good idea now. I feel more like some distance would be best. I really am on the edge with all the stuff I'm going through and walking on glass with someone is not what I want to do or can do at this time. Sometimes two people, even close family members just have a chemical imbalance that they just can't get around. Any way he has said his piece and I have said mine and it will either clear the air or we might spend some time with no communication. He is 27, although very mature for his age he still lacks the life experience that lets you see the differences between people and even embrace those differences. On the other hand if he really has these feelings about me, and is so sure of how he thinks I feel and my life experiences then we have hit a huge obstacle. This is surely not the direction I wanted to go with this son of mine. He has been the difficult one of the two sons I have. My older son was the perfect baby, never cried, woke up from his naps and played until I heard him Laughing. He was so much fun and when he got a little older and we made our trips to Big Sur, he would roll down the car window as we were driving up the mountain road and yell out "Mountain Mamas Coming Home", at the top of his lung capacity. We were very close and happy until we moved to San Diego. He wasn't happy here and eventually turned to drugs which he never got away from. Now he has been in jail several times and his children have been in foster care for quite some time, He is depressed and not working, because if he goes to work the courts will take three quarters of what he makes to pay back for his jail time and for the foster care time. I don't get that because his x-wife (not sure they are X's yet) is working now and is clean and has the kids back with her. Not a good idea I think, but again the younger son says I should get over my negative feelings towards her so I can be a part of their lives. How do you look past all the misery she and my older son put on those kids, and she on my son. I think it takes a bigger person than me. My younger son was the one that cried and screamed from birth until he was 2 years old. I lost my nerves with that one. I thought he must have colicky, but he didn't. There was no medical reason for it. When he got a little older he threw huge fits and chewed anything wood. I was always afraid he would get splinters in his stomach. We had to take everything wood away from him. Then when he got older he let me know he wasn't happy with the fact that I was his Mom and he wanted to go live with this woman that worked the same craft show in the north county as I did. This escalated into such an issue she actually came to me and said she would take him if I was having such a bad time with him and I told her that I hadn't had any problems with him until she came into his life, which made me wonder just what kind of control she had on him. It was a crazy thing. So now that I've gone over board with the explanation of the two sons and the issues with both of them, what else. I don't know? I guess I'm just a Little numb at this point. I can always re-read the two emails but whats the point its done now and there is no turning back now. It makes me wish I could just get out of here and go to Colorado away from everything I know and everyone I know, with the exception of just a few people. Well this is just a happy blog isn't it???????????