SAD

It looks like the Mothers Day trip Mom and I take every year is not going to happen this year, due to my insane financial problems. I just don't have the money to be able to pay for my part. The reason for being so sad is not only am I looking forward to seeing Pagosa but I miss the Wolves Mica and Baha and the new addition Spirit. I Love them so much and it amazes me that from year to year them remember us and get so excited when they hear our voices. My life has been so in the toilet especially this year. I got ripped of at the Quartzsite show and then a couple of really bad weekends at the Bazaar coupled with not working this last weekend because the Encinitas St. Fair was full for the first time in I don't know when. I thought I would be on my way to Az. buy now---this house sold and into a new one. I was looking forward to getting into a place with room to move. I am cramped into this little house and I've had to use the bathtub for storage, which means that I have to move several boxes when I want to shower. So there are a lot of so called sponge bathes, not the same. The other reason I'm so SAD about this trip is that Mom seems to be developing some more unusual symptoms-pains and swellings. I'm worried that she might not be around next year. It seems that several people she knows and just fine and then they turn 84 and they don't last the year. This worries me allot! Its just a crime that stupid money will stop us from having a great time in Colorado this year. I've had so many problems that for one thing I really need a diversion. I don't know I just can't get back on financially secure ground again. Maybe I'm the one that won't be around. I type these words and I feel like I'm complaining to much, but the reality is that everything I do fails or I falls short just my a hair. It sometimes feels like the world doesn't want me in it anymore. In just a few short months I'm going to be homeless with all these cats, my oldest dog Spiffy-who is not doing very well, and Molly, who is my newest rescued dog. It seems all the animals here are rescues, and they just keep coming. It seems that for the first time in all this rescue of animals that when I go shop most of what I get is for them. Cat food-dog food-cat litter-deodorizer for the boxes and cleaner for those messes. Well I've gotten way off the original subject--but then this site is named random thoughts for a good reason. No matter where I begin with the thought I ramble and the thought goes on to the continuing disaster of my life. Who would have thought that this would be how my life would turn out. Wow what a long strange trip it has been. I couldn't resist--sorry. While we're rambling I would just like to say that I miss my little brother Ronnie. Its been 9 years since he passed and I still miss him so much. We had made a pact when we were kids, that whoever went first they would make contact with the other, at least to let the one left that they were OK. Well Ronnie has not made contact with me, not once in all these years. I even see animals that have passed, when they come back to let me know that they are happy to get out of their sick bodies and a free spirit. I was there when Ronnie passed and I did what I said I would, which was to help him out of his sick body. Once his spirit was out of his body it just zoomed off,I watched it go, as I have done with countless animals--Death is the same--for every living entity. In the end you have to do the work to get out but once you're out off you go--at least your spirit--the body is then an empty husk. Wow this has really deepened my Sadness. It's now past 3:00am and I just realized I never ate any dinner. So I need to sign off-get something to eat--feed the animals and get ready for bed and get there. Good night or morning or whatever------------------